Monday, August 30, 2010

Short & Sweet

Cut to the chase...

Why does everything have to be so complicated?
Or is it simple but i'm making it complicated coz i can't accept the fact that it's that simple?

Honestly, what do you think of life?

To me, well, it has no meaning.
It's a routine.
I was programmed to continue on with this.

When...
When will I be happy?

I can't wait till death.
Coz they say i will live a long "happy" life.

"Happiness"

That word lingers in my empty mind.

Oh, woe is me. D:

Reduxion.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Shut up.

Just shut it ok!



Damn it!
I'm suppose to be happy today!
Why did everything go wrong at the last minute?!?

I know my problem...
I know the advice...

I have the "how"...
I have the "who"...
But i don't have the "why"...

And up until now i still don't know.
And if there's no "why", there is no "how" or "who"!

Then what is it?!?
What is my problem?!?
Why do i keep repeating my mistakes?!?
If failing is part of success then why have i not succeeded??
Why do i keep going back to step 1??

Why is it that i forget myself when i'm with you?
Why do i forget all my problems when i talk to you?
Why does my tongue slip when i tell you something?
Why can't i be happy?
Why can't people let me be happy?

If for every question there's an answer...
Then answer mine...
Coz i can't find it...
And i need help...
But most of you don't know how to...

Reduxion.



Monday, August 16, 2010

D=


Pffft...


Aww c'mon!
I just got insulted! D:
By guess who!!
...
...
...
My dad...

It stings a little i guess...
But i'm used to all this now.
What else can i do?
If i defend myself, i'm basically shortening my life span. (Which is kinda bad in a way. xD)

Happens to everyone i think.
Haha...
Yeah...

Now you know why i have a split personality!
I don't even open my mouth at home unless i need to eat or drink. =O
-nods-
In school well, total opposite. O.o
-sighs-

Btw, Goldfish-kun...
Thank you.
For making me smile lots today...

Reduxion.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Happiness.

It is a choice.

I've chosen to be happy.
And yes, i do smile more often.

But
i can't help but feel sad on the inside.

Feel like...
There's something missing in my life.

I wonder...
What it is.

Quote Today;

A lawyer i shall be. An artist I am. My fate I control. My road I pave.

Reduxion.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Flashforward.

A dream?
Hey, you've heard of flashbacks right? Well, i have flashforwards. Simple equation; Flashback = past : Flashforward = future. Get it?

On with the story!

(It's kinda cut off)

I said to you, "The sheep is for the innocence, the brown bear is for childhood, the white bear is for friends and the apple is for kindness..."
"On my bed... There they lay. Take them as the only reminiscence of me."

I remember...

My head was spinning. My vision was blurry. I could barely breathe.
I saw 2 people. They were wearing white. I was in the back of an ambulance. The siren was ringing in my ears. I grit my teeth from the pain. It was unbearable. Intolerable.

I was wondering, what was i doing there. I got carried out and into the hospital on a stretcher.
Through the halls i saw a sign.
I was headed for the ER.
I still didn't know why.
Later, i was put under the lights.
The doctor gave me an oxygen mask.

Everything else was a blur...

[Days later]

I was admitted into a ward.
You always visited me. Everyday.
You came only after my parents leave.
Then, one day, the doctor came in just when my parents had left.
But you were there.
The doctor proceeded to telling you my condition.

I pretended to be asleep.
I heard the doctor tell you, "I'm sorry... I'm afraid there's no hope for her now. Her condition is terminal. She was admitted to the hospital a little too late."
I opened my eyes. They looked at me.
I told the doctor not to tell my parents.
He said that he'd have to sooner or later.
Then, you sank down into a chair.
Your face was buried in you hands.

I smiled when the doctor told me i was going to die.
That was the only thing i could do.
I looked at you.
I tried to get out of bed with the doctor's help.
I knelt in front of you, hugged you, and said, "There was nothing you or anyone else could've done to stop this."

I asked the doctor how long i had left.
A week he replies solemnly.

[The following week]

You MC-ed from work just so you could stay visit me.
You would tell me jokes to cheer me up.
Let me play your PSP, even.
You'd just make sure i had somebody to talk to.

Then, 1 night, you fell asleep on my bedside.
I woke up in the middle of the night and i saw you.
I cried silent tears.
I stroked your head.
And went back to sleep.

[Final day]

At last, it was my last day. My condition was at it's worse.

My family and some of my friends came to visit. Including you.
I asked everybody to wait outside but you.
I had to tell you something important.

I held your hand and i said,
"I'm glad to have had you for a friend..."
Then, my heart stopped beating.
You stared back in disbelief.
You shouted for my family and doctors to come in.
My parents rushed in crying.
My friends didn't know how to react.
The doctors frantically tried to save me even though they knew i couldn't be saved.
And you...
You leaned against the wall.

[My funeral]

You didn't come to my funeral.

Everybody else was there.
My friends, my family.
The people who knew me.

Well, everybody but you that is.
You were at home.
You couldn't bear the fact that i was gone for good.
You stared at the ceiling for hours.
Just thinking and wishing it weren't real.

After the whole ceremony, i was buried deep in the ground.

[Days after]

Everyday after, you came to visit my grave.
You would talk to me as if i were still alive.
As if i were in front of you that very minute.

And i watched you from above.
I cried seeing you there.

I also saw you cry 1 day, while you were visiting my grave.
You said, "I will never ever forget you. Thank you for being my friend too."

[The next day]

My parents were clearing out my stuff.
You came.

(Remember the sheep, bears and the apple?)

You were going to pay your respects.

Then, you saw in one box marked "Her belongings".
You peered into it.
You saw my plush toys.
An apple, a brown bear, a white bear and a sheep.
You asked whether you could keep them.

My parents were speechless at first.
But miraculously they said yes.

[That night]


That same day, at night, you were sitting at your desk.
Looking at my toys.
You felt this enormous amount of sadness from within.
You began to tear-up.
You stood up and looked out your window.

I couldn't bear to see you like that.

And for a short moment i appeared in front of you.
I gave you 1 last hug and tell you what you've always told me.
"Smile and the world smiles back at you..."



And then i depart to the afterlife.

Since then, i've been watching you from far above.

-END-

So, what do you think?
I think i was dying from kidney failure.
Nope. They didn't have fitting kidneys for me. =P
PS: i might use this for my oral test so no stealing. =X

Reduxion.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Envy.



Did you fall for it?


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A hug.




I really need this at times.
Not just from anyone.
From someone.
Someone meaningful to me.

But
It's impossible.

I feel distant most of the time.
I could be the quite type.
But i choose not to.

Because everything is clearer when there is no noise or laughter to distract you.
I don't know what to feel.
I'm happy...
Yet
Sad...
Both at the same time.

Show me that i can open my heart.
Show me what it means to be yourself.
Show me how to love.
Show me how to be loved.
Show me the way into your heart.
And my heart's maze will just be a straight road.

Reduxion.