I Knew It.

I was right...

Well, my predictions were spot on.

And i finally asked Ms. R why i didn't get picked.

I knew i didn't need to.

Coz i had that intuition, you know?

But well, some certain friends of mine convinced me to do so.

The reason why i didn't really want to ask is because i knew what was coming.

I was gonna sit through the same lecture again.

And it's the 4th one this year.

They're all the same.

BGR.

I'm not involved in any.

And is it that hard a fact to accept?

Dammit.

If you're not implying that i am in fact in a relationship then why?

Why don't you people trust me to handle myself?

Is it just coz i'm a teen?

I can't handle it?

I'm too immature?

Well, news flash!

It's the 21st century.

There are teens who are sometimes i feel that are more mature than all of you.

If you believe in miracles then why can't you believe in this?

If you believe in your God and trust that he will protect you all and guide you all then why is it that i can't enjoy my day for once without having to worry about you people giving us a bad name?

You are all hypocrites.

C'mon, even Mdm S agrees with me.

And today, Goldfish-kun even asked me why i'm always sad.

And the only reason i could come up with was that i'm not.

Truthfully, i don't know why either.

I know i don't have to be.

But again it seems as if i owe the universe my life.

I just wish there was somebody else whom i trust wholesomely to confide in.

I wish he knew.

Right now, i don't think prefecture is worth anything.

Especially not if i have to choose between friends and future.

And though, i've been told that it's ok and i can still talk and be a prefect i seriously don't think i can lie and not break down once for the next 3 years.

And when i do break down, this time nobody can save me...

Reduxion.

One Exception.

You are the only exception.

This song is so awesome right?? xD

Ha ha!

Speaks out to a lot of people out here.

Particularly my goldfish-kun. =3

Nya~~~

Actually, today i was kind of in a bad mood.

But i'm getting a grip on myself and doing a better job at hiding my feelings now.

It's amazing what a simple smile can do.

I think i know the reason why my probationary period extended for another 6 months.

Worst part is, i'm afraid that i'm right this time.

Because if i am,

I have to choose between my friendship and my future.

I'd obviously pick friendship but what's gonna happen if i tell my parents or anybody else for that matter?

I cannot afford to lose anything.

You know, i have only my friends keeping me here. (including goldfish-kun)

If i didn't...

I might as well just go to Canada.

Or

just put an end to everything.

Of course it'll affect everybody that i've known.

But who cares?

They'll get over it anyway.

They won't dwell over it.

They'll find a better human being and a better friend or family member.

So, i'm wondering.

If i'm going to be forgotten either way, what's there to live for?

Even death does not scare me.

It's just the pain.

I wish...

That my life was just a dream.

I could then just wake up anytime i had a nightmare.

I know it'll never happen though.

So what's my purpose?

Don't tell me God has a purpose for everyone.

Coz if he's not helping me or guiding me back to the right road now, he ain't gonna do it.

It's time to wake up.

I'm an idiot living in a make-believe world.

Wake up and face reality.

Breathing only suffocates me.

Seeing only blinds me.

Hearing only deafens me.

Believing only shatters my hope.

Hoping only destroys my belief.

Truth stabs my heart.

My heart isn't agreeing with my mind.

My mind is arguing with my heart.

My actions contradict with my feelings.

My feelings interfere with my judgement.

But I...

Just keep on smiling even when i die a little inside everyday that i'm alive.

Reduxion.

Give Me A Sign.

This is a nice song.

A touching one. ='(