Confessions & Questions

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

--Erma Bombeck

Ok, I admit it.

I hate being alone. I hate loneliness.

Who doesn't after all?

Heck, I still try and act all "cool" when I do feel lonely because I'm scared that people will see that as weakness and take advantage of that. People can be savages. :/

But why do I feel so lonely?

I don't get it.

I have friends. I have family. So, why am I not letting myself be happy? ):

------

Am I wrong to like Adolf Hitler?

If you say yes, then it's probably these reasons:

-He killed 2 million Jews

-Led 50 million to death

-Cruel & vicious dictator

-Started WW2

If you say no, then it's probably these reasons:

-He was a great politician

-Greatest speaker & leader to ever live

-Led Germany out of recession in just 4 years

-Pioneered many weaponry & vehicles

If you don't care, then it's probably this reason:

-Everybody is entitled to their own opinion & beliefs

So, it's fine, right?

Now stop discriminating me and putting down my likes.

I never said anything about your likes and habits.

Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live.

--Adolf Hitler

Have you ever...

...fell in love?

When you love a man, he becomes more than a body. His physical limbs expand, and his outline recedes, vanishes. He is rich and sweet and right. He is part of the world, the atmosphere, the blue sky and the blue water.

--Gwendolyn Brooks

That's what I agree with.

It's beautiful to be in love yet it can also bring you so much hurt.

I have friends who have been injured by it and broke down. Friends who have been injured but got back up.

You can't help it when you do fall in love, you know?

And you probably wouldn't notice that you've just fallen them either.

I guess what I mean to say is that, guard your heart.

Because when you let them in they might want to do some "redecorating"' and you might not like it. And when that happens, I always think to myself and say, "Is he/she worth it?". If they're not, then the best is to just stop yourself before they run you out of your own "house".

Don't worry. For every girl there's a boy and for every boy there's a girl so wait for the ones worth letting in. Don't let some stranger in just because they act like they know you and treat you well.

Return

//stretches

Ahh... It's been a while since I last came back here.

Seeing my childish posts really makes think about how selfish I really am.

Things To Do (2011):

1. Pass my public exam
2. Make more "memorable" memories
3. Pay attention in lessons
4. Improve self-confidence
5. GET A LIFE

Well, there's my plan for what's left of the year.

Oh, and I need to get me one of them autobiographies of Adolf Hitler.

So psyched about the ship trip. :D

Toodles~

----

Maybe I'm just not cut out to write what I feel.

It's scary to me.

How bloggers end up having monologues with themselves. Not all of you of course.

I'm just sayin' ya know.

Stay True

Never try to be someone you're not.

'Cause, you'll only end up hurting yourself.

Like how i did.

Envy takes over right about now.

And suddenly you feel like a piece of crap because somehow, you feel less wanted compared to that person.

You wonder why, why do they get more attention? More love. More comments. More friends.

Then suddenly you start feeling depressed (again) and feel even more worthless.

You do know that you're worth more than anything you could buy don't you?

Jealousy is a cruel thing.

I feel it all the time.

We're only human.

I'm only human.

Perhaps too human...

Shallow?

What is this "emo" to you?

Is it a meme?

Do you think "emo" people are just stupid?

Why do you people constantly curse them?

Do you know what they're going through?

Did you put yourself in their shoes?

Or another proposal.

What is "anime" to you?

Is it just some "la-la" thing?

Do you think it's stupid to enjoy or i dunno just tell the world about it?

Why didn't you even try to see it from my point of view?

I've never questioned yours.

I just wanna know why you never gave it a chance.

And if you're gonna answer me like this; "So? It's just me right? I didn't say you had to follow me." etc etc.

It shows me that you are defensive against your own opinion.

Somehow, i think that you don't even know what's to hate about it.

But this is just an example.

Why are people so shallow?

Why are they're minds so shut?

Why are they just stuck to the core?

I don't understand why you need to insult something you've never delved in to.

You let me down.

I thought you were different Esile but i guess you're just a normal kid after all.

1 Day Holiday

At least i'm not too lazy today to update this blog.

Today's a holiday. For the country.

It's the Prophet's birthday i think (?).

Anyways, how did you guys celebrate Valentine's?

Do you know the history of Saint Valentine's Day?

You should check it out when you're free.

But, well, who likes reading history anyway?

Probably just a handful of people. (Including myself~ xD)

Shucks. I'm kinda sad that he asked me to be his Valentine's.

I hesitated though i wanted to say yes.

I think i was scared. Maybe.

I dunno really.

Somebody explain this to me! D:

Valentine's Day

I know it's a little early.

But here (GMT +8.00) it's exactly 7 (or is it 8) days to Valentine's~

Teehee~

I wonder if i should go classic and get chocolates. Or maybe he likes sour string tape (I know i do!)

At least i was the first to say Happy Valentine's to him. 8D

Ahaha.

Hmm... I kinda wanna prank some people for Valentine's. But i might get into some deep sh!t.

Anyways, you guys got any plans for Valentine's? :)

Or a better question yet; Who is your Valentine's?

--For me, i'm kinda torn between 2 people.

Happy CNY. :)

Happy Chinese New Year. :)

The weather's been really off lately. :/

-Not my pic. Just found it on google.

A Break

Back after that long break from my blog.

I don't really know why i own a blog.

Sometimes you just feel it's useless to type so much but never know if there's somebody there that cares for you.

So why bother?

Is that small flickering flame of hope?

That? Just that?

I don't have that.

Somebody blew that out.

I'm still wearing that mask.

The one that hides all.

Aren't i stupid for forcefully making myself depressed and sad and whatever nonsense.

It's stupid.

But i can't help it.

It's turned into something that may be irreversible.

I need help. I know i do.

I just don't have the guts to ask for it now...

Damn it

Why do i keep coming back here every time?

Broken

That's just and always how i feel...

When will you all realize it?

Flashforwards EP 2

Do you experience this too?

Well, i had another flashforward.

This one is a bit too...

PG 18?

Yeah...

Quite a disturbing future if i were to experience it.

Reduxion

Fights

What about me?

First and foremost, let me say sorry if you feel this is directed towards you. But i assure you, i mean no harm and i don't intend on hurting anybody's feelings.

Ok.

So, well, my friends are fighting.

I'm caught in the middle.

Again.

First fight finished.

Now, another.

Have you guys ever thought about me?

What about my needs?

Can't you see it affects me too?

Honestly, i love my friends and i treasure them dearly.

Then, sometimes, you guys are just a pain in the neck and i really want you all to shut up.

I'm not really a good friend you know.

Don't let yourself be close to me.

I don't mean to be like this but i am.

This is part of me.

I'm sorry.

But i will only end up hurting you guys some day.

Damn it!

I won't ever let anybody into my life again.

I refuse to let anything or anyone bound me.

Right now, only him remains.

I'm not referring to Goldfish-kun.

I'm referring to the person above all else. (To me that is)

And i hope he knows he's the only thing keeping me here.

Keeping me alive.

Keeping me smile.

Keeping me happy.

Keeping me contented.

That's all.

Have some religious issues to talk about but i guess i'll type it out next time.

Reduxion.

Saddistic?

Am I?

Well....

I am.

Redux.

Holidays

Sometimes...

Holidays aren't fun...

Sometimes...

I hate them...

Most of the time...

I wish you were here with me...

Reduxion.

A Lullaby For You

Short & Sweet

Cut to the chase...

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Or is it simple but i'm making it complicated coz i can't accept the fact that it's that simple?

Honestly, what do you think of life?

To me, well, it has no meaning.

It's a routine.

I was programmed to continue on with this.

When...

When will I be happy?

I can't wait till death.

Coz they say i will live a long "happy" life.

"Happiness"

That word lingers in my empty mind.

Oh, woe is me. D:

Reduxion.

Shut up.

Just shut it ok!

Damn it!

I'm suppose to be happy today!

Why did everything go wrong at the last minute?!?

I know my problem...

I know the advice...

I have the "how"...

I have the "who"...

But i don't have the "why"...

And up until now i still don't know.

And if there's no "why", there is no "how" or "who"!

Then what is it?!?

What is my problem?!?

Why do i keep repeating my mistakes?!?

If failing is part of success then why have i not succeeded??

Why do i keep going back to step 1??

Why is it that i forget myself when i'm with you?

Why do i forget all my problems when i talk to you?

Why does my tongue slip when i tell you something?

Why can't i be happy?

Why can't people let me be happy?

If for every question there's an answer...

Then answer mine...

Coz i can't find it...

And i need help...

But most of you don't know how to...

Reduxion.

D=

Pffft...

Aww c'mon!

I just got insulted! D:

By guess who!!

...

...

...

My dad...

It stings a little i guess...

But i'm used to all this now.

What else can i do?

If i defend myself, i'm basically shortening my life span. (Which is kinda bad in a way. xD)

Happens to everyone i think.

Haha...

Yeah...

Now you know why i have a split personality!

I don't even open my mouth at home unless i need to eat or drink. =O

-nods-

In school well, total opposite. O.o

-sighs-

Btw, Goldfish-kun...

Thank you.

For making me smile lots today...

Reduxion.

Happiness.

It is a choice.

I've chosen to be happy.

And yes, i do smile more often.

But

i can't help but feel sad on the inside.

Feel like...

There's something missing in my life.

I wonder...

What it is.

Quote Today;

A lawyer i shall be. An artist I am. My fate I control. My road I pave.

Reduxion.